I loved to learn so much that at junior school the teacher ended up recruiting me to help the other kids get their work done, because I’d always be first to finish. Unfortunately at secondary school these swotty tendencies did not endear me to my fellow students and I had to refocus my learning on how to be cool. Unable to get my dopamine hits through the teacher's praise, I found it behind the bike sheds instead. Enter the impulsive years which carried me all the way through Uni. What happens at Uni stays at Uni.

 

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When I began working I realised the street cred I’d built up didn’t mean much in the corporate world of IT, and I’d have to change myself again if I wanted to fit in. It was clear there was a “right” way to be that meant not being myself, no emotions or colourful personality allowed. The skills I had around coaching people, creative ideation, team and relationship building were not seen as useful or important. I tried my best to be what they wanted, reading every self-help book I could get my hands on to “sort myself out”, which sapped my energy and left me feeling like there was something wrong with me.

 

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It was when I attended a Leadership course and learned about different types of leadership, my life started to shift direction. One of the styles I could completely relate to and for the first time in a long time I felt like I was ok just as I was. In fact, it was the message I’d been given that there was only one way to be that wasn’t ok. This realisation opened the door to me understanding and valuing the things I was good at, rather than wasting energy “fixing my weaknesses”. [Enter coaching stage right]

 

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Alongside this I’d become a mum which brings its own blessings… and challenges. Now it wasn’t just my own life I needed to manage, but those of very dependent, always present individuals on top. During my stint as homeschool teacher in The Great Pandemic of ‘20-’21 I found myself constantly explaining why certain things were a bad idea, only for my son to do them anyway. It wasn’t just my homeschooling techniques though, the school confirmed he wasn’t listening there either. Wracking my brains as to what was going on I began researching, and after going through an assessment process we eventually received a diagnosis of ADHD.

 

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As part of my research I came across a list of how ADHD symptoms present in adults. As I scanned down the list I identified with 16 out of 18 of the characteristics. It was like a nuclear explosion went off in my head. How did I get to 41 years old as someone who prides themselves on being nosy about everything and not know about this? 

 

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The mum guilt hit me hard when I realised I’d been asking my son to do things that his brain just wasn’t wired to do, and unwittingly giving him the same messages I’d received of not being ok just as he was. As I looked back over my own life and saw all the times I’d beaten myself up for the “choices” I’d made, the realisation that they weren’t choices, but responses to the lack of dopamine flowing through my brain, shook me to my core. 

 

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I felt sad for the wasted opportunities that could have been, had I known about ADHD and had the right support earlier. Perhaps I wouldn’t have judged myself so harshly for what I now know are just symptoms of ADHD.

 

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Understanding ADHD and getting to know how my brain works has enabled me to design my business and life in a way that sets me up for success. It’s also taken me on a journey to learn how to better support my family and my clients.

 

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Are you ready to set yourself up for success, so you can build the life you really want? Let's talk.

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